A Personal Story
"As a baby I loved everyone unconditionally. There was no right or wrong, good or bad, just my curiosity and my awe of the beauty around me. The energy was comforting and I felt secure in my new home. As I got older and the energy around me changed, there came upon me like a mist, uneasiness and insecurity and something unfamiliar. Subtle at first, the pain eventually brought fear and my world began to lose its ever-present brightness. Ambiguity also came and I felt the safety of the light disappearing. Insecurity and resentment found their way into me, and my ever-present innocence became lost for what seemed forever.
The unconditional love I brought with me was replaced with need and the security I knew so well became the fear of being harmed. I was growing up into a world of personalities struggling to survive. I paid attention and learned to become superstitious and religious. I learned to substitute education for wisdom, pretentiousness for dignity and falsehood for truth. Survival became my god and I had many versions. I learned how to be hurt and how to retaliate. My compassion became calloused and grew into jealousy. My sensitivity grew into apathy. My passion into regret and my sexuality became spiritless, leaving a lustful and selfish body to seek its basic needs. In my wake of unconsciousness I left a sea of casualties while all the time feeling sorry for myself as the only victim.
I became lost in my identity and an island of animated lifelessness. Where did I come from… and where was I going? I had lost my way, lonely and alone not knowing how to relate to even myself. In my ignorance I used people for gain. I learned to use people for personal gratification while believing I knew how to love them. The tenderness I knew as a little boy turned to selfishness without my notice and the cost of my loss etched away so effortlessly at my very being.
I was dying. Adrift from the source of authentic truth and love… my very breath was abandoning me. I struggled to let go of the pain, the guilt and the frustration but it always seemed to be replaced as fast as it slipped away. I became good and righteous, diversified in career, knowledgeable with little knowing, a leader going around in circles with as much damage as his followers. I read the books, studied the religions, the philosophies and the psychologies, took endless workshops and courses to understand, but only got previews through the veil of my illusion. I was happy and running on empty. Everything I had brought with me was almost lost… save one small thread of hope… I continued to seek a single answer, a small whisper to guide me back, a gesture from a teacher I continued to search for and had to believe existed somewhere in time.
With one kind and tender touch I was awakened from my slumber. With just a single drop my thirst was quenched. With just a few words from nowhere my spell was broken. With just one breath I saw in into myself and the possibilities. Awakened as a dreamer dreaming, I remembered…. enough to seek more by letting go of what I held so close. I am back and I am healing, bruised and wiser, I am remembering where I came from, who I am, why I am here and where I am going…. and now Freedom has found me and so have I. As I have been waiting, I now know I have never been alone.
Becoming more aware of awareness seems insufficient in words alone. The effort of life seems gone in so many ways and thinking alone just another vanity. New to me, I welcome myself into my own Heart and my only desire now, is to remain there.
A book, “The Course of Love” as received by Mari Perron is not a game changer, but an invitation to end the game.
It is for the Heart. It makes no sound and can be felt where Love abides.
Behold… the Presence Within, for nothing else exists."
…Joe Bentley
“I read The Course of Love” 4 times cover to cover before I quit saying to myself, “I must have missed this part”. How I lived my life began to change dramatically, and seemingly magically at times. I began to fall in Love with Life and started Living it as it Lives in me.”